My personal rollercoaster

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog is going to be my personal things that I’ve been wanted to give out for a very long time and today is the day that I tell you everything about my personal rollercoaster and how my dad made my life a little worse for me to handle in the first place so grab a snack ? or a drink ?and get comfortable ?,because this blog post will be interesting for you to have a read ?.

(DISCLAIMER: This is only on my perspective and how it happened along with my own personal issues and my experiences based on what happened during my time claiming benefits and what my dad said to me. He does have a good heart but sometimes his mouth lets him down as well as being blindsided that my opinion doesn’t mean anything to him but he considers his own opinion to be better than mine which by the way it’s not true and it is due to the fact that he is too stubborn to admit that he is wrong in some occasions)

Going back to the previous blog posts that I mentioned from both other work experiences and other work experiences continued blog posts, within the time that I was on jobseekers allowance (JSA) I went through a really rough patch there which was not mentioned on this blog posts and I literally spent hours, weeks, months and even years on applying for jobs. Along with looking for them at the same time along with the fact that I’ve mentioned from my previous blog post that I had to write down the job titles that I’ve applied for and majority of those companies don’t even have the courtesy to get back to me which disheartens me and it angers up the people who work there. All because of the fact that I can trust the companies to get back to me and hoping that they would get back to me, but they didn’t bother to do so ? and some of them do reply back saying that I didn’t get the job.

Also during my time being on benefits and all that time, I felt extremely depressed and I felt like well this may sound a bit harsh to you, but for me it that like I was trapped and being held within their system until I got a job. For a very long time I ended up being emotionally drained and exhausted by doing what the job centre had told me to do. After finally coming out of benefits by securing a job working with a fabulous company and going on a traineeship that made me feel left out and unappreciated. Along with my mum my brother and be involved in a car accident as well as my brother being diagnosed with brain tumours (check out the “My traineeship from hell ?” blog post and “My brothers diagnosis ?” blog post too)

A few years later on our way back from kickboxing training, my dad decided to tell me that I need to go back to claiming benefits and I already informed him that it is not a nice place to go back and start claiming benefits even though I’ve been though that system for 3 to 4 years and even had my work experience at the job centre, but my own father refused to listen to me about the bad side of what I’ve been through and he still kept talking to me and still refuses to listen to me. Despite the fact on what I’ve been through from them as well as having the knowledge on how the system works.

Even though I told him that I was not going to claim benefits he still managed to find a way by telling my mum that I need to go back to claiming benefits and this is when I started to breathe heavily every time they mentioned it and it’s also when I started to have panic attacks. Eventually it became too much for me to handle so getting lightheaded and potentially collapsed on the kitchen floor while I was cooking and when my mum found me collapsed she gasped and tried to wake me up by saying my name but I managed to wake up and I started crying to my mum along with me informing her that I don’t want to go back and she hugged me while I was on my knees with sadness and depression being the main suspects of my depression and stress.

Despite the negative things that my dad did to me, he did a lot of good things for me including giving me lifts on where I needed to go for certain places such as competitions and he even helped me pass my driving test. After all he is my driving instructor and he sometimes comes up with funny jokes and even funny experiences that happened during his life or career in general.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My meditation journey

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog at today’s blog will be on my meditation journey what I see throughout my visual experience from meditation as well as having my imagination going wild so grab a snack ? or drink ?and get comfortable ?, because this blog post will be interesting for you to read.

(Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored blog post. This is just my personal outcome on what I generally see from my meditation. It doesn’t mean that I know anything about meditation visions and all I did was I researched on Google to find out what they actually mean, so please do your research on what you see on your meditation/dreams at all costs.)

When I first started meditating from the advice that I received from Jay Shetty from his live your purpose programme on Facebook, I was a bit suspicious at first because I was clueless on what I got myself into but excited as well for trying something new out of the blue so I opened the headspace app and started to do the basics and watched a clip on how meditation works. The animation of the video itself is so cute and informative to describe the feeling of meditation.

I did the basics on day 1 and what I saw in my meditation was a bit strange at first but also interesting at the same time, in fact in my first meditation session that I have done in the morning was the middle part of a tree and I was amazed on what I saw within only just 10 mins. As I continued on doing meditation for 10 mins, my imagination has started to form up altogether and eventually started to form a tree and also hasn’t mentioned earlier on that I also see Buddha on my side and I know it sounds a little weird to you but the reason why but I keep it to a meditation because I used to play peek a boo with Buddha with the curtain, which explains the vision of Buddha in my meditation.

After seeing Buddha in my meditation, I also have seen some figures that occurred to me within my mind including a tiger cuddling up with me ( I know it sounds strange but it’s cute and interesting at the same time ???), well to tell the truth I originally thought that the tiger was going to attack me at first, but soon came to it senses and started to sit on my laps and wants me to stroke the tiger instead pretty much like a household cat would do and I also seen two swans forming a heart ❤️ and I was a little bit suspicious at first because I didn’t know what it means when the swans form a heart together until I went on Google to research are the meaning of two swans forming a heart and it turns out that it symbolises love, beauty, elegance and gracefulness along with sensitivity as well.

I then later on saw a peacock opening up its feathers though and making the noise but peacocks usually make and in fact that it drove me so mad within my mind that it playing for a couple of hours and I even cried about it as well, due to the peacock noises kept getting louder and louder and louder within my mind and it eventually started to calm down and began to fade away slowly but surely it disappeared and the next time I meditated again I began seeing two blue peacocks forming a heart together and again as usual I went on Google to research what it means when it comes to 2 blue peacocks forming a heart. Unfortunately I didn’t have much luck well it came to doing the research on finding what the two peacocks forming a heart means, however I did find some research on the meaning of the peacock and it symbolises spirituality, vision, awakening, guidance, protection and watchfulness.

Also within my meditation visions I also end up seeing a couple of words that spring to my mind and those words that you came in handy for me if I really needed a constant reminder and those words are “motivate”, “inspire others”, “mentor” and “coach”. Which must’ve somehow indicated to me that I needed to go back to mentoring/coaching which is also my ambition to do in life.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long and leave a comment below and tell me if you do meditate, tell me what do you see in your meditation. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to spread the word out about my blog too. ???

How meditation helped me pass my driving test

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog is going to be based on how I managed to pass my driving test through meditation and you’re probably wondering on “how is it impossible to pass your driving test with the help of meditation?” or even “how does meditation help you pass your driving test that didn’t happen to me when I did it!?” keep reading this blog post and I will be explaining everything that I actually did and explain to you on how I passed my driving test with meditation. But before I explained how it happened, I’m going to start from the beginning on how I have done in the past to other two driving tests so grab a snack ? or a drink?and get comfortable ?, because this blog post is going to be a very long and interesting for you to read ?.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not a sponsored blog post. This is just my experience and my personal outcome on how I passed my driving test. It’s not a way of saying that my method is the best method to pass the driving test and some people who have taken the test and passed it without meditation. So feel free to do your own research and discover your own method/techniques in order for you to pass your driving test.)

Let’s start from the beginning after I passed my theory test for the third time the next day, I decided to book my first practical driving test online at the actual website and clicked on book a driving test and from that point on I was extremely nervous about doing my driving test for the first time in a matter of fact I didn’t pass my driving test for the first time, I literally made too many mistakes on that day and it’s because of my nerves that I’ve made during the test as well as having my instructor sitting at the back of the car as well which its optional if you needed them to come or not and by the way doesn’t help neither.

After failing my first driving test I want back online and my brother was the one who booked my second driving test while I was getting ready to do my course at Coventry Mind Academy for sleep problems and motivational course at the recovery and well-being Academy and both of the sessions last for two hours and they are free as well because every and well-being centre they provide a wide range of courses for you to go and attend the courses being provided by them. After I completed the courses from them I went back home then to check with the email to confirm that the booking has been confirmed and the page was blank and I wasn’t sure if the booking of the driving test is being confirmed or not.

The next time for me to do was to call the number being provided at the on the email and call up to find out if the second driving test has been officially booked for to leave the operator on the phone said he’s not sure about it at all he was only there for the weather updates for the driving tests within the UK, luckily they have recommended me another phone number to call and tell them about it instead so I called them up and ask them to confirm the actual practical driving test and I also asked them if there are any cancellations with the driving test coming up and she said there’s been a cancellation for December instead so my brother called my drive instructor up and told him that the dates in December and he hesitantly said book it and I told them to book the driving test the phone for the next couple of days I literally practised my driving skills until my test day arrived.

On mid December 2017 the date of the driving test has arrived and I was nervous and relaxed at the same time of the test and I was waiting for the test in the waiting room waiting patiently for my name to be called out by the driving examiner and the driving examiner and it arrived called my name out and I got hold of a provisional drivers license and a car key as well that was on the table before we even sat down and waited for them to arrive. The driving examiner explained on how the driving test works and asked me about my condition that I’ve typed up on my application for my driving test and I mentioned on there about my mild autism and what are my requirements are for the driving test and it started off being rough because I literally not only answer the question that was based on how to find out certain car parts but also I had to follow the directions provided on the satnav and there was a truck that was sticking out like a sore thumb along with another car coming towards me too ?.

At the end of the driving test well near the end of it, he tells me to do reverse parking at the parking space the 1st to attempt on the first parking hours of angle and I managed to correct my mistake I was parking in the space but it was too close to another car next to me and unfortunately I didn’t pass on my second attempt of my driving test ☹️. After failing my second driving test I decide to book another driving test online and I even discussed it with my instructor on the date and time for the driving test and he agreed to have the test on that date and time at the location of the driving test and I got an email to confirm the date and time for the test.

After Christmas and New Year, I decided to go on a course that was on Facebook and opportunity of a lifetime but came on Instagram and this gentleman appeared on an advert offering a course that you can learn on Facebook and the name of the course was… Live your purpose program and I thought to myself I can really do with this course and it was hosted by Jay Shetty and listening to him helped me realise that I need to make this year my year to remember and to make the most out of it too. So I joined the group on Facebook introduced myself to the group including what I do for a living, my age and what are my hobbies as well as my interests are and I am immediately felt the love and the positive energy and the passion that came from everyone all over the world who have read my intro before the first day of live your purpose program began.

It’s took me five days to do the course and I was amazed of what the course provided me and I loved the advice and guidance been given by Jay Shetty himself from the five days on doing the live your purpose program and the one evening I ask a question based on doing meditation and his response to me was either go onto the meditation class if not that then tried using meditation app like Headspace or come to do the meditation or even try his genius coaching program. I didn’t go over the genius coaching program because I wanted to use the tools that Jay has already given me including the guidance on meditation.

So I went onto using the Headspace app and you can find The headspace app in your App Store and it’s available for iOS and Google play and it’s free for you to download (may need to pay for a subscription for either a year or lifetime) so I started off doing the basics for 1,2 and 3. Once I’ve done the basics I went onto the other meditation packs and there is a wide variety of meditation packs that you can go for from motivation to distraction and from competition to creativity. Some of the packs can take up to 10 days to complete the pack and some packs could even go up to 30 days depending on what pack you intend to meditate towards.

After I completed all three basic packs of meditation, I started doing motivation because I felt lacking in myself to motivate and I felt pumped up and motivated to do anything. Second pack that I meditated under was the concentrate/focus and already from the first day that I meditated on, I felt focused and concentrated to do anything including driving. On day three of the concentration pack it was also the day before the driving test and my driving lesson before the test had a positive outcome and possibly have a chance of passing the test. The next day on day four on concentration/focus pack of meditation and it’s also the day of my driving test.

I was very nervous but determined to pass my driving test and my driving instructor gave me a lesson before going to my test it was my last chance to catch any mistakes that I have made and learn as much as I can before I can go for the driving test and he even opened up the bonnet to remember the parts of the car before going to park at the driving test centre in Warwick. We arrived at the driving test centre and both myself and my driving instructor are waiting at the waiting room patiently for my name to be called out by the driving examiner very nervous and focused to pass my driving test then all of a sudden the driving examiner comes out and enters the waiting room calls out for my name and we went to where I parked the car.

But before I even got into the car myself the examiner explain to me on how the test works, how long it takes to do the test and also informed me to read The license number plate from a distance of 20 feet then we walked over to the car and asked me to open the bonnet in order to start the test. Before I started to do the driving test he wanted to ask me about my learning difficulty and my requirements that I’ve put on the application form as previously mentioned for the second driving test and I answered them with honesty and told him that I have mild autism (See the my life being autistic blog posts).

My requirements that are mentioned on the form to provide clear and repetitive instructions and his response was “we always give clear and repetitive instructions anyway” and my other request that I told him was that I tend to talk to myself (I know that sounds weird and strange to some but that’s how I feel comfortable with) and he replied back “that’s fine some people usually talk to themselves while they go through the driving test.” After getting my explanations on my requirements it’s time for me to do the driving test and it started off by follow the directions on the satnav and the satnav tells me to go to Stratford at first then tells me to go to Henley in Arden which is a massive roundabout and another part of following directions is that it was taking me over to the Warwick jockeys club in which I have to demonstrate forward parking and reverse out of it.

Am I just to for park at first but I wasn’t happy with it, which it came out completely off angled and I wasn’t satisfied with it so I looked behind me and I noticed there was an empty parking space between two cars from that point on, a lightbulb moment went in my head and I realise that I can reverse into the parking space and I have to do is drive slowly forward into the parking space in front of me and it was perfectly parked too ?. That’s a big bonus for me and what the driving I keep saying to myself over and over again playing in my head saying to myself “you’ve got this, you got this, always stay focused. You got this, you got this buddha’s on the side.” (wait for the next blog post on the next chapter).

I was so determined to pass my driving test and the driving examiner said to me “So did you tell that many people that you have a driving test?” My response to that was “I try not to tell that many people but I’ve got a driving test but I only told a small amount of people I’ve got a test.” Then the driving examiner has said to me “Do you have your own car yet.” My reply back to the examiner was “No I don’t have my own car yet.” We then went back to the actual driving test centre in Warwick and I was told to park at the side of the grass.

At the end of the driving test the driving examiner had asked me if my driving instructor wanted to hear the results with me as well and how I got on and I said you might as well tell him the results with me too and the result that I’ve got from the driving examiner was that I have passed my driving test. After hearing the result that I’ve passed my driving test I was excited and relieved at the same time after going through a huge amount of driving hours over and over again on driving ??.

Here are the links that really helped me out in life: (?? only available in the UK) (☝?️ only available in the UK)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???