My meditation journey

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog at today’s blog will be on my meditation journey what I see throughout my visual experience from meditation as well as having my imagination going wild so grab a snack ? or drink ?and get comfortable ?, because this blog post will be interesting for you to read.

(Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored blog post. This is just my personal outcome on what I generally see from my meditation. It doesn’t mean that I know anything about meditation visions and all I did was I researched on Google to find out what they actually mean, so please do your research on what you see on your meditation/dreams at all costs.)

When I first started meditating from the advice that I received from Jay Shetty from his live your purpose programme on Facebook, I was a bit suspicious at first because I was clueless on what I got myself into but excited as well for trying something new out of the blue so I opened the headspace app and started to do the basics and watched a clip on how meditation works. The animation of the video itself is so cute and informative to describe the feeling of meditation.

I did the basics on day 1 and what I saw in my meditation was a bit strange at first but also interesting at the same time, in fact in my first meditation session that I have done in the morning was the middle part of a tree and I was amazed on what I saw within only just 10 mins. As I continued on doing meditation for 10 mins, my imagination has started to form up altogether and eventually started to form a tree and also hasn’t mentioned earlier on that I also see Buddha on my side and I know it sounds a little weird to you but the reason why but I keep it to a meditation because I used to play peek a boo with Buddha with the curtain, which explains the vision of Buddha in my meditation.

After seeing Buddha in my meditation, I also have seen some figures that occurred to me within my mind including a tiger cuddling up with me ( I know it sounds strange but it’s cute and interesting at the same time ???), well to tell the truth I originally thought that the tiger was going to attack me at first, but soon came to it senses and started to sit on my laps and wants me to stroke the tiger instead pretty much like a household cat would do and I also seen two swans forming a heart ❤️ and I was a little bit suspicious at first because I didn’t know what it means when the swans form a heart together until I went on Google to research are the meaning of two swans forming a heart and it turns out that it symbolises love, beauty, elegance and gracefulness along with sensitivity as well.

I then later on saw a peacock opening up its feathers though and making the noise but peacocks usually make and in fact that it drove me so mad within my mind that it playing for a couple of hours and I even cried about it as well, due to the peacock noises kept getting louder and louder and louder within my mind and it eventually started to calm down and began to fade away slowly but surely it disappeared and the next time I meditated again I began seeing two blue peacocks forming a heart together and again as usual I went on Google to research what it means when it comes to 2 blue peacocks forming a heart. Unfortunately I didn’t have much luck well it came to doing the research on finding what the two peacocks forming a heart means, however I did find some research on the meaning of the peacock and it symbolises spirituality, vision, awakening, guidance, protection and watchfulness.

Also within my meditation visions I also end up seeing a couple of words that spring to my mind and those words that you came in handy for me if I really needed a constant reminder and those words are “motivate”, “inspire others”, “mentor” and “coach”. Which must’ve somehow indicated to me that I needed to go back to mentoring/coaching which is also my ambition to do in life.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long and leave a comment below and tell me if you do meditate, tell me what do you see in your meditation. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to spread the word out about my blog too. ???

Useful websites to look at

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog is going to be a little bit different than usual. Instead of me explaining to you about what happened in my life though, this time will be based on the links for those who are autistic like myself as well as finding other information about the sites from not just in the UK but also available in some countries as well so if you wanna have a look at these websites which will help you in the long run and you can actually forward it over to other people who are going to exact same thing as well so please feel free to go and check them out for yourself and this is just based on my personal research on the websites that I found online.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not a sponsored blog post. This blog post is based on the research that I have found on Google that I considered to be the best websites and I  encourage you to do some research of your own.) 

Autism awareness websites for you to go and check it out: (this site is for those who have a sweet tooth and if you continue scrawling on the site there is a slight description on the website that will make you love them even more)

Thank you so much for taking the time to have a look at our brief blog post of on my blog and I’m really sorry this is not as normal a blog post that you normally see on my blog and I will be coming up with new blog post so feel free to leave a comment below if you know any autistic related websites that can be useful for anyone to use as well and don’t forget to spread the word out as well ???.

My further experience with LGFB

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog will be featuring my personal experience that I currently volunteer for Look Good Feel Better along with experience on how I recognise a few people that came into the workshop and my personal emotions that I went through as well from the experience of volunteering for amazing organisation, so grab a snack ?or drink ? and get comfortable ? because this blog post is going to be interesting for you to read ?.

During my voluntary experience with LGFB, I’ve seen so many ladies come and go and I don’t usually come across anyone that I know nor have been familiar with until one day, I’d came across one person that I recognised them by face, but not by their name and when I met one of the ladies, I immediately recognised her for the first time in years and after seeing her go through cancer herself, I wanted to leave the room and stay focused on bringing on other ladies who are having a hard time finding a place to park and we are currently running late to the session and you’re probably wondering who is it that you manage to recognise from the group on that day.

The person who came into the workshop that I managed to recognise was in fact an old work colleague of mine where I used to work in a primary school from 7 to 8 years ago and she immediately recognised me from the workshop that I was volunteering with. As we were getting on with the workshop we all seem to work well though and helped everybody out there who needed the help most and we would generally have a conversation though on what we been up to and I told exactly what I was told her everything what been up to and she told me the same thing and my last words I said to her was to stay strong and keep fighting no matter how long it takes and what it takes you still going to remain strong and fight through this.

When I got home from the session that I’ve met an old work colleague of mine I told my mum exactly what happened and I immediately burst into tears and I felt really bad and upset because of what she was currently going through cancer right there and then ?. From that point on, I realised that I needed to remain mentally strong for anyone else who is currently going through cancer and battling through the disease as well. Another time of events that happened to me when I met someone who is also been diagnosed with cancer was an old teaching assistant who used to work at a secondary school and I had a good bond with her when I was a teenager and yes the emotions were repeated again after not only seeing her for a while but also seeing her battle through cancer as well.

However on my second attempt on seeing someone who I know for years I remained strong minded, motivated and kept focusing ahead on the task at hand and amazingly it paid off along with the fact I get to show them that are shown in front of the ladies that they can purchase from certain websites and telling them that 10% of the proceeds go towards Look Good Feel Better along with me explaining to them that the brushes are supersoft the cruelty free and the perfect for anybody who’s got super sensitive skin while the going through treatment or for anybody in general has sensitive skin. After I finished of the session I told my mum exactly what happened that’s an old teaching assistant of mine came to the workshop and I told her everything what happened and again the same reaction was I broke down in tears and my mum reminded me not to get too attached to them and I told her I wasn’t getting attached to them and it was in fact a state of shock after seeing one of the nicest teaching assistants who has helped me with my school work in years was then coming into the workshop and the roles have been reversed.

Despite my experience on my feelings and seeing people who I know in general and going on an emotional rollercoaster everything turned out for the better as I grew as a person and feeling motivated but physically and emotionally in order for me to get myself forward in life ? along with the fact that this experience altogether can possibly inspire anybody else who is going to the exact same feeling when they also know somebody who has been diagnosed with cancer/tumour and yes it can be hard at first but once you take a deep breath and stay mentally strong for yourself and for other people who are around you you will do absolutely amazingly with the process and a condolence to you and for anyone who recently lost a loved one due to cancer/tumour ?.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

How meditation helped me pass my driving test

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog is going to be based on how I managed to pass my driving test through meditation and you’re probably wondering on “how is it impossible to pass your driving test with the help of meditation?” or even “how does meditation help you pass your driving test that didn’t happen to me when I did it!?” keep reading this blog post and I will be explaining everything that I actually did and explain to you on how I passed my driving test with meditation. But before I explained how it happened, I’m going to start from the beginning on how I have done in the past to other two driving tests so grab a snack ? or a drink?and get comfortable ?, because this blog post is going to be a very long and interesting for you to read ?.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not a sponsored blog post. This is just my experience and my personal outcome on how I passed my driving test. It’s not a way of saying that my method is the best method to pass the driving test and some people who have taken the test and passed it without meditation. So feel free to do your own research and discover your own method/techniques in order for you to pass your driving test.)

Let’s start from the beginning after I passed my theory test for the third time the next day, I decided to book my first practical driving test online at the actual website and clicked on book a driving test and from that point on I was extremely nervous about doing my driving test for the first time in a matter of fact I didn’t pass my driving test for the first time, I literally made too many mistakes on that day and it’s because of my nerves that I’ve made during the test as well as having my instructor sitting at the back of the car as well which its optional if you needed them to come or not and by the way doesn’t help neither.

After failing my first driving test I want back online and my brother was the one who booked my second driving test while I was getting ready to do my course at Coventry Mind Academy for sleep problems and motivational course at the recovery and well-being Academy and both of the sessions last for two hours and they are free as well because every and well-being centre they provide a wide range of courses for you to go and attend the courses being provided by them. After I completed the courses from them I went back home then to check with the email to confirm that the booking has been confirmed and the page was blank and I wasn’t sure if the booking of the driving test is being confirmed or not.

The next time for me to do was to call the number being provided at the on the email and call up to find out if the second driving test has been officially booked for to leave the operator on the phone said he’s not sure about it at all he was only there for the weather updates for the driving tests within the UK, luckily they have recommended me another phone number to call and tell them about it instead so I called them up and ask them to confirm the actual practical driving test and I also asked them if there are any cancellations with the driving test coming up and she said there’s been a cancellation for December instead so my brother called my drive instructor up and told him that the dates in December and he hesitantly said book it and I told them to book the driving test the phone for the next couple of days I literally practised my driving skills until my test day arrived.

On mid December 2017 the date of the driving test has arrived and I was nervous and relaxed at the same time of the test and I was waiting for the test in the waiting room waiting patiently for my name to be called out by the driving examiner and the driving examiner and it arrived called my name out and I got hold of a provisional drivers license and a car key as well that was on the table before we even sat down and waited for them to arrive. The driving examiner explained on how the driving test works and asked me about my condition that I’ve typed up on my application for my driving test and I mentioned on there about my mild autism and what are my requirements are for the driving test and it started off being rough because I literally not only answer the question that was based on how to find out certain car parts but also I had to follow the directions provided on the satnav and there was a truck that was sticking out like a sore thumb along with another car coming towards me too ?.

At the end of the driving test well near the end of it, he tells me to do reverse parking at the parking space the 1st to attempt on the first parking hours of angle and I managed to correct my mistake I was parking in the space but it was too close to another car next to me and unfortunately I didn’t pass on my second attempt of my driving test ☹️. After failing my second driving test I decide to book another driving test online and I even discussed it with my instructor on the date and time for the driving test and he agreed to have the test on that date and time at the location of the driving test and I got an email to confirm the date and time for the test.

After Christmas and New Year, I decided to go on a course that was on Facebook and opportunity of a lifetime but came on Instagram and this gentleman appeared on an advert offering a course that you can learn on Facebook and the name of the course was… Live your purpose program and I thought to myself I can really do with this course and it was hosted by Jay Shetty and listening to him helped me realise that I need to make this year my year to remember and to make the most out of it too. So I joined the group on Facebook introduced myself to the group including what I do for a living, my age and what are my hobbies as well as my interests are and I am immediately felt the love and the positive energy and the passion that came from everyone all over the world who have read my intro before the first day of live your purpose program began.

It’s took me five days to do the course and I was amazed of what the course provided me and I loved the advice and guidance been given by Jay Shetty himself from the five days on doing the live your purpose program and the one evening I ask a question based on doing meditation and his response to me was either go onto the meditation class if not that then tried using meditation app like Headspace or come to do the meditation or even try his genius coaching program. I didn’t go over the genius coaching program because I wanted to use the tools that Jay has already given me including the guidance on meditation.

So I went onto using the Headspace app and you can find The headspace app in your App Store and it’s available for iOS and Google play and it’s free for you to download (may need to pay for a subscription for either a year or lifetime) so I started off doing the basics for 1,2 and 3. Once I’ve done the basics I went onto the other meditation packs and there is a wide variety of meditation packs that you can go for from motivation to distraction and from competition to creativity. Some of the packs can take up to 10 days to complete the pack and some packs could even go up to 30 days depending on what pack you intend to meditate towards.

After I completed all three basic packs of meditation, I started doing motivation because I felt lacking in myself to motivate and I felt pumped up and motivated to do anything. Second pack that I meditated under was the concentrate/focus and already from the first day that I meditated on, I felt focused and concentrated to do anything including driving. On day three of the concentration pack it was also the day before the driving test and my driving lesson before the test had a positive outcome and possibly have a chance of passing the test. The next day on day four on concentration/focus pack of meditation and it’s also the day of my driving test.

I was very nervous but determined to pass my driving test and my driving instructor gave me a lesson before going to my test it was my last chance to catch any mistakes that I have made and learn as much as I can before I can go for the driving test and he even opened up the bonnet to remember the parts of the car before going to park at the driving test centre in Warwick. We arrived at the driving test centre and both myself and my driving instructor are waiting at the waiting room patiently for my name to be called out by the driving examiner very nervous and focused to pass my driving test then all of a sudden the driving examiner comes out and enters the waiting room calls out for my name and we went to where I parked the car.

But before I even got into the car myself the examiner explain to me on how the test works, how long it takes to do the test and also informed me to read The license number plate from a distance of 20 feet then we walked over to the car and asked me to open the bonnet in order to start the test. Before I started to do the driving test he wanted to ask me about my learning difficulty and my requirements that I’ve put on the application form as previously mentioned for the second driving test and I answered them with honesty and told him that I have mild autism (See the my life being autistic blog posts).

My requirements that are mentioned on the form to provide clear and repetitive instructions and his response was “we always give clear and repetitive instructions anyway” and my other request that I told him was that I tend to talk to myself (I know that sounds weird and strange to some but that’s how I feel comfortable with) and he replied back “that’s fine some people usually talk to themselves while they go through the driving test.” After getting my explanations on my requirements it’s time for me to do the driving test and it started off by follow the directions on the satnav and the satnav tells me to go to Stratford at first then tells me to go to Henley in Arden which is a massive roundabout and another part of following directions is that it was taking me over to the Warwick jockeys club in which I have to demonstrate forward parking and reverse out of it.

Am I just to for park at first but I wasn’t happy with it, which it came out completely off angled and I wasn’t satisfied with it so I looked behind me and I noticed there was an empty parking space between two cars from that point on, a lightbulb moment went in my head and I realise that I can reverse into the parking space and I have to do is drive slowly forward into the parking space in front of me and it was perfectly parked too ?. That’s a big bonus for me and what the driving I keep saying to myself over and over again playing in my head saying to myself “you’ve got this, you got this, always stay focused. You got this, you got this buddha’s on the side.” (wait for the next blog post on the next chapter).

I was so determined to pass my driving test and the driving examiner said to me “So did you tell that many people that you have a driving test?” My response to that was “I try not to tell that many people but I’ve got a driving test but I only told a small amount of people I’ve got a test.” Then the driving examiner has said to me “Do you have your own car yet.” My reply back to the examiner was “No I don’t have my own car yet.” We then went back to the actual driving test centre in Warwick and I was told to park at the side of the grass.

At the end of the driving test the driving examiner had asked me if my driving instructor wanted to hear the results with me as well and how I got on and I said you might as well tell him the results with me too and the result that I’ve got from the driving examiner was that I have passed my driving test. After hearing the result that I’ve passed my driving test I was excited and relieved at the same time after going through a huge amount of driving hours over and over again on driving ??.

Here are the links that really helped me out in life: (?? only available in the UK) (☝?️ only available in the UK)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My voluntary experience with LGFB

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog, today’s blog is going to be different from the the other blogs that I did on my life with autism and will be explaining on my experience on volunteering with Look Good Feel Better (LGFB), how I got involved with volunteering in the first place and what I gained as an volunteer for a worthy cause as well as on how to apply as an volunteer for LGFB.

But before I got to explain everything I want to give a shoutout to my brother Arvin for my inspiration to volunteer with LGFB and check his blog out, you can go onto and on his blog, you will find out on how he managed to overcome his diagnose of the brain tumours along with his weight loss and the challenges.

I started volunteering at a grateful cause that helped women be themselves again and teach them new skills that will help them be beautiful as well as teaching me to appreciate life and achieve gratefulness on what I can achieve through gratitude. You’re probably wondering on how I started volunteering with LGFB and what inspired to go for it in the first place?

It started back in March till May 2016 when I went to Ellisons and I studied to do beginners guide to professional make up and special occasional make up in order to pursue my career as a make up artist. As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I realised that my skills as a make up artist are getting me no where at this point.

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”
Bruce Lee

Until one day, I went online and researched on Look Good Feel Better, I went on the actual website about the charitable organisation and I was amazed with their work, however I wasn’t sure if the qualifications that I had meet up to their criteria of the qualifications and the amount of experience, so I gave them a call and asked them if it was alright and they said fine and the gentleman even gave me the instructions over on the phone on how to apply as a volunteer for LGFB.

The next couple of days later, I got an email from LGFB informing me on when and where I need to go for my LGFB session to observe the workshop provided from the along with the directions on how to get there including which bus or buses to take in order to get to the hospital or cancer centre depending on the location.

I arrived at the Arden centre Coventry on mid-October feeling nervous as if I had butterflies in my stomach and as soon as I got there, I totally forgot the name of the room that I needed to get there, luckily the receptionist knows where to go for the workshop and I was introduced to a wonderful team and a fabulous team leader named Anita for look good feel better and she explained to me on how the workshop works along with the things that I needed to bring with me in order to fill in for the DBS before working with the ladies.

“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind”
C.S. Lewis

But before I even I did all that, I had to go to the volunteer office and take the things that I needed in order to do the paperwork in the office based on filling in the DBS form that must be done and sent to the main authority office in order to gain a voluntary badge that you wear around your neck, it usually takes days or weeks depending on the location and what was filled in the form. Once that’s completed, you need to take your DBS form with you back to voluntary office and they will inform you what to do next in order to gain your volunteer badge.

During the form filling, you will be asked if you have any medical conditions or any personal information that needs to be answered and you MUST be 100% without a doubt be honest with it.

Ever since I volunteered for look good feel better, I enjoyed helping other women who have been affected with cancer teaching and helping them out with the basics on using the skincare and cosmetics along with making beverages, soaking up the cotton pads, putting the make up on the ladies and clearing up after the workshop session has done. I also have to give my opinion on how the workshop went.

“Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud”
Maya Angelou

After doing the voluntary workshop, I felt really grateful on the experience on helping others, in which gave me a sense of gratitude, appreciation, passionate and having the ability to empower others along with working in a team as well. If you want to find out further information about look good feel better, want to volunteer with them or even fundraise for them, head over to and apply to volunteer or fundraise for a great worthy cause. ????

Thank you so much on taking the time to read my voluntary experience with LGFB blog. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My inspiration on becoming a make up artist ?

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog post will be on my inspiration on becoming a make up artist. I will be going through the reasons on why I decided to become a make up artist in the first place along with the training that I went through in order to become a make up artist, so grab a snack ? or drink ?, get comfortable ? and enjoy reading this blog post.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not a sponsored blog post. The company themselves did not ask me to put in a good word for them and please note that this is how I actually became a make-up artist through Ellison’s. Just because I got the qualifications on how I became a make-up artist, it doesn’t mean that my method on becoming a make-up artist is the right method. In fact there is no right or wrong way in order to become a make-up artist. Anyone can become a make up artist, no matter if you’re self taught or going to a make up school/academy or even learning about it on a online course at home. As long as you keep your passion and your determination on becoming a make up artist alive and thriving ✊?)

After dealing with my brother’s condition (check the my brother’s diagnosis blog post ?) and looking after my mum and brother, it was time for me to start a new chapter in my life and that is to become a make up artist. My inspiration on becoming a make up artist is from two inspirations that came in front of me and one of them is by looking at the coloured eyeliners from the Urban Decay department at Debenhams Coventry and by looking at the coloured eyeliner pencils along with the other products being displayed in front of me and on that moment I realised I wanted to become a make-up artist.

Another inspiration on becoming one is by watching a Beauty Guru on YouTube and her name is Michelle Phan. Her personality is so humble as a person and she is so down to earth as a human being along with make up tutorials that she taught us on YouTube and the tips she gave out to the beauty community. In fact she was so successful, she has her own make up brand called EM cosmetics and has a book called make up: your life guide to beauty, style and success; online and off.

So I went online to Google and I did some research on how to become a make-up artist and one Beauty school came into my mind when I saw a website from Ellisons being advertised on Google, so I clicked on the link went on their website and I started to explore the courses that they provide along with the dates that they have it on other locations where it was held at. Then I decide to call them up and tell them to book me in for a introduction to professional make up course at Ellisons in Coventry and they told me that they haven’t got any spaces left but they have put my name down as an interest for the introduction to professional make up course until the next available date to arrive for the course.

A couple of days later, I received a phone call from the Beauty Academy to remind me of the introduction to professional make up course and asked me if I wanted to go for it and I said “yes and interested on going for it” and filled in the details over the phone. Then I received an email from the Academy confirming the date and time of the make up course and the location to where the make up training is going to be held at. When I arrived at the academy it was very modern at the reception area and the receptionist is friendly and approachable to me and right next to the reception area is a beauty shop where beauticians and other beauty practitioners can buy the equipment and products in order to help the beauty industry to bloom.

In April 2016, I started to do the introduction to professional make up course and I wasn’t the only one there. In fact there are five more other girls who also anticipated on doing the course as well and some of them were eager to do it and some of them were hesitant to do it but wanted to give it a try and see if it’s right for them to continue doing make up in the first place. As for me well let’s just say I have mixed emotions on doing it, because at the beginning of the session I was excited to do it, however during the session on learning the course I became hesitant about it, due to the amount of work that was provided to do within the session, but I didn’t give up on just that session alone.

While I was going through the make up course, there were some paperwork that needed to be completed during the one day course, which is the coursework along with the lecture helping us out if we were stuck on any of the questions or tasks that was needed to be done and once we have completed the work altogether, you will be given a certificate on completing the course at the academy along with a free make up brush set and that’s exactly happened to me; I completed the introduction to professional make up course and I felt pleased about it ?.

The next month later, I decided to go onto The next stage on becoming a make-up artist is moving to the special occasion make up course which is now called advanced professional make up course is just basically similar to the introduction to professional make up but they’ve expanded towards creating make up looks for bridal events and even fashion shoots as well as catwalk events along with the demonstration on how to do the look and going through the former on dealing with clients for consultations for their upcoming events. The special occasion make up course is repeated from the introduction to professional make up but this time it explains further onwards within the course. During the special occasion make up course, the trainer gave us a demonstration of how to do a bridal make up look she even used cream contouring and highlighting colours just to really define the make up look as well as transforming a face shape that they were born with into an ideal fit shape which is an oval face shape.

My original idea on the make up look that I was supposed to do is a colourful look for a catwalk/photo shoot but instead I ended up doing a bridal make up look on the student in stead stead of the original plan I had in mind and it came out amazingly well with the make up look that I created for her and she did the exact same thing on me on creating the make up look which came out really well with the look and also extremely glamorous as well. After both of us have completed the make up looks at each other we going to have the questions that we didn’t get a chance to do on the work and the best thing about doing his make up artistry courses from them is they don’t have an exam at the end of the session so that means it’ll be less pressure for you to handle and what I did afterwards from the training that I received from them is yet to come.

For more information on how to become a make-up artist or any other beauty courses that you want to learn from Ellison’s, the link is down below and also if anybody who wants to become a make-up artist internationally the links are also down below along with my inspirational idols:

UK & International make up courses: 

My inspirational idols:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My Brothers Diagnosis ?

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog will be based on the tragic moments I have been through since leaving the Capita traineeship programme as was looking after my mum for a short period of time and what was the conclusion about my brother afterwards what he suffered from the past few months so grab a snack ? or a drink ?, get comfortable ? oh and a box of tissues, because this blog post is going to be an emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime.

After finishing the traineeship from hell and finding out about my mum’s major injuries, I decided to look after my mum on a road to recovery and is still recovering on the injuries from the car accident ?. Things went from bad to worse in 4 months later, my brother had an appointment from the hospital and the appointment was scheduled to be nearly October time however they rang up earlier I need to say to rearrange it to 3 days early so I went for the appointment and as soon as they came back I asked my brother how it went with the appointment and I got nothing from him and when I asked my mum what happened within the appointment she told me that “they found a tumour in his brain” and I immediately started crying over the devastating news that I received ???.

What made it even worse was that it wasn’t one or two brain tumours that they found when he was going through his MRI scan, they managed to find 6 brain tumours and I was shocked on the fact that they’ve found 6 brain tumours and my thought that I had was playing in my mind, repeatedly over and over again like a record player saying to myself “Is my brother going to be alright and is he going to make it?” having a hard time taking in the tragic news that I received from my mum.

After finding out the shocking news about my brother’s brain tumours and looking after my mum on her injuries, it was time for them to go forward with the next part of the procedure in order to remove the brain tumours and that is to go and see a cancer/tumour specialist who deals with them on a daily basis on how to get rid of them the doctor has recommended my brother to go onto radiotherapy and he also said that he was going to make it. He was also given the schedule and what dates and times that he has to attend for his radiotherapy at the Centre in Coventry UK and it was pretty much every day except for weekends and Christmas Holidays.

While he is battling his brain tumour, one day my brother was going up the stairs and he managed to reach up to the top of the stairs and afterwards he fell down the stairs from the top and could have possibly have himself on the head, touchwood he didn’t actually get hurt so myself, my mum and dad came running as fast as we can to reach him there to see if he was okay and we managed to to get him back up on his feet and he was sitting on the stairs catching his breath and making sure he’s alright to go back upstairs. It was a wake-up call for us to realise that we need to keep an eye on him 24/7 every day no matter how long it takes for him to make sure he is alright.

As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months he went through a tough battle with the tumours and he still remained strong and determined to conquer the obstacle in front of him in which some of the days that he goes for his treatment, he has to have a blood test done as well in order to see if the treatment is working well for him and we were seeing some positive results from the treatment that he was receiving from the Arden Centre. But the downside to him having his treatment done was that it also affected his organs from the treatment as well as medication he was having to take too.

After finishing off his treatment at the Arden Centre, we all went home and did his routine out of doing his medication and all of his medication has been continuous until we have some results. A few days after my birthday, we received a phone call from the doctors and the good news on that occasion was he’s got the all clear finally some good news that he has survived the brain tumours and all of us were praising for that for that brilliant news that we’ve just received we all had a group hug afterwards though to say that he’s got the all clear and he finally conquered the illness that was holding him back.

It’s on and on the first day without the tablets he was feeling great however as the days went by he started to get weaker than ever before in fact it was so bad that he couldn’t even get out of bed my mum had to call a need to figure out what to do, she was in tears trying to figure out what to do and I told him to bring him over to ana by car because if they ask for the ambulance it would take up to 2 hours, so we managed to bring him over to ana by car and along with his visit to A&E on the hospital bed and his temperature started to rise up to 200°c and he has been in the hospital for 10 days and some of those days he couldn’t remember the people who were there for him including our mum and she was heartbroken and devastated that he could remember her at all so she pretended to be his special nurse for him and to look after him and slowly bit by bit he started to regain his memory back and and also is started to be back on the mend and when I visited my brother asking him what he wanted from the shop and out of the blue said “Whispa gold”.

When my mum came back to check on him, I told her what he said to me and I mentioned it to her that he replied back to me out of the blue, he said he wanted Whispa gold and I didn’t put any words into his mouth or make him say that, he just said it by himself without any help at all and from that point we realised he’s getting his memory back. He managed to remember mum in 8 days when she came in one day wearing a red top as she usually wears when going out to places. For 10 days she slept on the chair with a fractured spine.

This blog post is a dedication to my brother Arvin Kaushal who went through this diagnosis hard and fought strong to survive as well as dedicating it to the brain tumour support UK who have been very helpful for my brother as well as my family and made him feel like that he is part of the group and I’m very grateful for that. I’m also making a special dedication to all the brain tumour/ cancer patients who are fighting through the diagnosis as well as their family and friends who are currently supporting them 100% and the survivors who survived the condition and commiserations for those who lost their loved ones from the disease too. If you would like to know further formation about Brain tumour support UK or any of the brain tumour support charities internationally the links are down below:

Don’t forget to check my brother’s blog out to see his side of life:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long and emotional. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My traineeship from hell ?

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog as you can see the name of the new blog post and it’s called my traineeship from hell ? and it does sound a bit harsh but this is from my experience of what happened since I left FWT along with the interviews that I went through from companies and even went onto a traineeship programme from Capita and I’ll be giving you my pure honest opinion about the traineeship on I went through so before you start reading this blog post I want you to read the disclaimer first before you start reading the blog post so grab a snack ?, get really comfortable ?, because this blog post is going to be a really long and interesting post ☕️?☕️?.

(DISCLAIMER: Please note that this is just my honest opinion on the experience that I had with Capita, what I went throughout the traineeship programme and my personal feelings about the traineeship, not the company altogether. I will do the best I can to keep it balanced on both positive and negative aspects on my experience but the majority of this blog post contains some harsh criticism on the experience that I went through on the interviews and the traineeship that I went to as well and I apologise to you if you find any of my opinions too hard to swallow.)

After leaving FWT and going for interviews from companies that don’t want me to work for them, due to my autism being a barrier for them instead of a benefit (their loss, my gain ?), it was time for me to move on with my life and I decided to go on a traineeship with Capita ?. But before I explain to you about what happened during the traineeship with Capita, I wanted to tell you about the interviews that I went through from the vacancies that I applied for during my time with FWT, which I forgot to mention it on my previous blog post (sorry for not mentioning it on my previous blog post ?) two of those companies that I went for an interview with are both based in Birmingham and both of those vacancies are based on customer service and both of them require me to do evening time as well.

From that point I wasn’t so sure if it was the right job for me, because I still need to make some time for my social life as well so I can have a balanced life with both work and social along with the terms and conditions of those vacancies in Birmingham and I didn’t get any of the two vacancies ?. After failing the two interviews I went to I went towards an agency that deals with admin, customer service etc and I got myself an appointment with the agency so they can test me up there with my English and Maths and my English results was okay but my Maths was a little so so, but luckily for me, I already got the qualifications in English and Maths that meet up to their standards.

I also mentioned to them that I have autism as well as informing them that it’s very mild too and I was told by them not to mention about it to the interviewer. After coming out of the appointment, I thought to myself “why can’t I mention to the interviewer about my mild autism? I mean they have a right to know about it along with the fact that any disability or difficulty that an individual has, it must be taken seriously, no matter what it is nor how it affects me on a daily basis.”

After I had the meeting with them and going through the tests, the recruitment consultant showed me some of the vacancies through email and I applied to one of the vacancies from the email that was sent to me and in a couple of days later I got a call from the agency and they told me that I got an interview with one of the companies for an apprenticeship. I went to interview with a massive bag, because after the interview I went straight over to work before I leave and the manager for the company I had the interview with was pretty much a nice guy but at the same time he’s a bit sceptical especially with some of the questions that that I answered didn’t come out right for him along with the fact that I told him about my mild autism he didn’t see it though as a benefit instead he looked at it as more of a barrier for him. Obviously I didn’t get the apprenticeship from the company and I was disheartened not because I didn’t get the apprenticeship. I was disheartened by the fact that he didn’t see my autism as a benefit for him which is discriminating me as the autistic woman.

After failing to get their apprenticeship from the company that discriminates autistic people, I then went on to a traineeship from Capita and when I first got into the traineeship course, The trainer was barely there and we had to wait for a really long time to wait for him to arrive and will kept waiting and waiting until eventually he wasn’t going to turn up so I decided to ditch it. The next day we arrived at the traineeship place and finally the trainer had arrived to the building. The traineeship started of bad when it comes to getting out the smart phones out and I was very impatient and getting frustrated at that time for waiting a website to load and eventually I wanted to take a breather and walk away from it obviously from his standards and the ICE building standards it wasn’t acceptable to do that but although there were some bumps on the road but I still managed to get along well with some people who were in the traineeship.

However during my 5 weeks with the traineeship programme, there have been more negative than positive and I will do the best I can to balance them out between the two and one of them was on the favouritism between myself and a few girls in there. Especially with one person who was given the special treatment from the trainer of the programme majority of the time and doing the work that the trainer was doing so she could become a trainer herself at Capita instead of working in another company that are deals with customer service and the actual company is called Transport For London (TFL and talk about an ultimate teachers pet ?) which is connected to the Capita company, myself and the other students went on a tour around the building on how the company works.

While I was doing my experience on the traineeship with Capita, I have to do some of the work at home until some time in the afternoon my dad came home and told me that my mum is at the hospital and also informed me that my mum and brother got into an car accident and when I heard the tragic news, my heart just dropped down and I was even in tears, but at the same time I was worried about them “Are they alright?” “How bad are they hurt?” When I arrived at A&E of the hospital, my brother was already there waiting to see what happens next and I tried to give him a hug, he pushed me away from him and didn’t even want to acknowledge my sympathy for him and was even beating himself up mentally for what he had done to himself and mum as well as my uncle being there as well to comfort me.

My brother suffered from a swollen heel. However my mum got most of the damage in which she got a fractured spine and has two slightly fractured fingers on her right hand along with a swollen shoulder. When I got home from my visit to the hospital and my aunt decided to ring telling her about what happened and the soon as I told her about the accident she got in the car took the girls with her and got everything sorted out as she drove herself all the way from Slough to Coventry just to see me and everyone else who has been affected from the incident. The next day I’ve picked up the phone and decided to call the trainer up and explained what happened and he too was actually shocked about what happened to my mum and when I returned back into the classroom, the trainer asked me if my mum was alright and I informed him on the condition of my mum and my response to that question towards him was that “she suffered from a fractured spine and two swollen fingers, but apart from the two major injuries she has, she’s alive and well.”

I knew my mum was a tough cookie and I also knew that she was going to be alright and I explained to him that “she’s a tough cookie and she’s going to be alright” I was remaining positive from the tragic incident that happened to my mum, but the trainer response was “she’s not going to be alright, she’s at the hospital” and when the other girl who was present in the classroom (aka teachers pet ?) heard about what happened to my mum, she started questioning it too and asked me two questions and one of them was “what happened to your mum?” and I explained to her about what happened and then she asked me “who was driving at the time of the incident?” My reply was “My brother” and her response was “you’ve got bad parents” my response back to her was “well at least my parents are still together” as for her step sister by the way was a complete spoiled brat had an argument with a step sister and I tried to tell her to get on with her work and she decided to walk away from the classroom after telling her off about focusing on her work and not arguing with her step sister.

She even came up with an excuse on the fact that she wasn’t arguing with her sister and she was discussing loudly with her instead ?. Apart from all the negative experience that I had to go through along with capita traineeship and the car accident that happened to my mum and brother, I’ve learnt a lot when I was on the traineeship and even made some good friends and memories to remember as well as learning what the company has to offer from TFL and I’ve learned about the expanded version on customer service and how it works in the first place along with some advise on becoming a mentor/coach and the the support I needed in order to move forward too. As for my mum and brother, well you have to wait until the next blog post to find out what happens next.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My continued experience with FWT

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and today’s blog will be basically continuing with my experience with FWT. This will include the good, the bad and the outrageous times that happened to me, along with the tasks that I have done within a short amount of time, the people I met and my overall experience with FWT, so grab a snack ? get comfortable ?, because this blog post that you’re going to read ? is very interesting.

(DISCLAIMER: Please note that this is on my personal experience working with them based on what I went through and not a review. Just because I went through some of the rough experiences, it doesn’t mean that they are bad company to work with, in fact they are amazing people to work with and they provide amazing services for their customers and staff)

When I first started working at FWT, it was really good at first. I met the staff of the company and they are much nicer people I’ve ever met than some of the people working in the job shop ? and they were really making sure that I was taking part in any of the tasks provided, no matter what it is or what it could be. I even helped out with the coffee mornings that usually happens on Wednesday morning and Friday morning. The Wednesday coffee mornings is usually located around Hill Fields Coventry and the Friday coffee mornings are usually located in FWT and within the time period we have to provide an activity that can keep them occupied the world to have a coffee and tea at the same time along with some biscuits to have too ?.

During my time with and FWT there have been some bumps on the road including one time when I was supposed to happen right now but I was sitting there actually have a conversation and having a meal that we all participated in making but at the same time but when I was having a conversation with one of the lectures of the healthy hearts program which we used to have though and after everybody who was in the club gone, one pacific lady who works for FWT told myself and the other person with us and give us a little wording she gave one person all the positives and telling me with the negatives are telling me that I didn’t do anything at all though and told me to eat less and to concentrate with the task in hand.

After finishing off a day at work that I want her and that I started crying towards my mum and she said what’s wrong and I told her this person was telling me off for absolutely no reason for the task at hand I even told I did fall off a bit but she told me to eat less and to concentrate with the task in hand, I don’t understand I need to concentrate with the task in hand however it doesn’t mean she can insult me based on my body figure what I was actually participating and what really angered me the most though was I was actually one of the participants who was taking part in a healthy hearts project ?. Which she asked us a couple of days ago if we would be interested in taking part and we both said yes on taking part of the healthy hearts project so we can get a feeling what it’s like to be involved with it and we can also recommend over to other people who wanted to do the exact same thing as we were doing.

Although from that experience we started off with a rough patch, but as we go along within the time period we tend to work well together and even had fun doing it along with working on ways to promote activity in a way we went straight to hand out leaflets we actually spoke to the people who actually interested on taking part on activity and even started planning out activities over the next couple of weeks for coffee mornings for both Wednesday morning and Friday morning ?. We even managed to work together on planning out lessons that for the next group of people who are interested in learning to do some computer work and have others out with their work including creating a CV having to looking for jobs and and even worked together on creating leaflets for the upcoming sessions for coffee morning.

There are two things that happened to me that were outrageous to me and both of them are based on the language that I speak in. When I was helping in a room with a few ladies on an IT course, to whom one of them were saying to me “why don’t you speak in you mother tongue?” at that time I was too hesitant to say something about it and the other lady said to me “if you’re working in a place like FWT, you must be able to speak in the language that you were given” at that moment I kept my mouth shut the entire time thinking that these people are wrong because if I start speaking mother tongue just to please them, it will feel like I’m destroying another part of me.

Another outrageous moment that happened to me was still based on the same topic, but this time that one person had decided to cross the line and it all happened in coffee morning on Friday and we were doing quilling. During our session on quilling, the lady asked me about my cookery skills that and I said it with honesty “I don’t cook as much as I should.” But that was fine she was like okay but you need to do more but when she came up to me about the language I explain to her that it will be too much for me to handle i.e. I would easily get mixed up with the two languages and what she said to me really frustrated me the most and her response was “you’ve got bad parents” and my response back to her was “if I have bad parents I won’t be standing here in front of you.”

Apart from all the bad things that happened to me there have been some good things that happened to me during my time with FWT and what other things is after participating with a healthy hearts club in which I’ve helped around with the warm-ups that I demonstrated with them from my kickboxing training (coming soon ?) from my back then 12 years which is now 15 years of training, including some of the warm ups that I did during training into learning some of the basic techniques.

My overall experience with FWT has been absolutely amazing and even though there were some ups and downs along the way, we still managed to get along as a team and I truly loved working with them. I had a great time from the experience of working with them. From meeting people and helping them with their basic IT skills into having a lot of conversations in coffee mornings, activities planning for the upcoming weeks, putting everything away from the coffee morning sessions, meeting the people at the front desk as well as doing the admin work and even going out on the streets in order to spread the word out about FWT too ??.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I’m so sorry for the blog post being so long. Please stay tuned for the next post and don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???

My experience with FWT

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog and todays blog post will be on my experience working with Foleshill Women’s Training (FWT) including how I got the job the interview process along with the terms and conditions that was included with the opportunity as well as the interview process that was involved within the YPEPS scheme, So grab a snack ?and get comfortable ?, because this blog post is going to be an interesting one.

I found out about the job vacancy from YPEPS, which was found at the job shop at the window, which was during my time doing work experience at the job shop and I told one of the staff members from YPEPS about the vacancy and has already managed put forward a cover letter for the vacancy and my CV being attached and managed to send them over. The only downside to this there is that the work placement only lasts for six months. A couple days later, I received an email about applying for the YPEPS vacancy and told me the date and time as well as where to go for the interview.

Before I even got there to the actual place for the interview I had to do some research though and also ring them up there to find out where is it based though as well as me and my mum went to on a trip to find out where it is so I’m aware of the location and thank goodness I managed to get there on time and I was feeling a bit nervous as well for the interview. The funny thing about it is that on the email, the timing for the interview was 11:15am, but we arrived there two hours early and what I mean “we” I meant me and my mum as well as the fact that my mum thought that the interview was 9:15am ?. Even though I arrived two hours early for the interview, it still gave me the chance to do some last minute research on FWT by looking around the room and and to see what’s around me and obviously of course I did do some research at home before the interview.

Luckily I took some deep breaths before they called me in and they asked me some questions about the role for the ICT coordinator and there were two other girls were also going for the role before me. After waiting for a very long time, it was my turn to go forward for the interview and to be asked on the questions about the role and what I know about the company as well as what I’ve been doing this since leaving the previous jobs and my response to them was that I had work experience and all of those work experience placements are not paid at all ?.

There were some questions from the interview that I was hesitant about it so I asked them to repeat it again and then I gave them my answer afterwards and there were also some questions in the interview that I was confident on and they even asked me if I had any questions of my own and I literally asked them was “When will I find out if I have the job” and “Is there any other training that I needed to do?” After coming out of the interview, I thought a bit tense so me and my mum went back home after catching two buses and it just feels like I needed some rest afterwards.

I received a phone call from FWT asking me if I was available on a certain date and I said yes and their response was I will see you on this date coming and that’s on time meaning I’ve actually got the job ?? and I says I put the phone down and told my mum the news, she was in tears and I was also in tears as well and finally getting to realise that thank goodness there is somebody out there that does see a potential in me ☺️ and as result of the news I went straight over to the job centre and told them about the news and the two were thrilled and then the next stop was the job shop and I told my advisor about the interview and I told them the good news and she too was over the moon when I told her the news.

As I managed to close one chapter and opened up a new one, I arrived at FWT there is another entrance on the side that only staff to go through and myself and two other people coming into the building and I how to introduce myself to the two ladies arrived and they were the nicest sweetest ladies that I ever met and this is just the beginning of my six-month placement and unfortunately the downside to this is that it didn’t guarantee me a full-time job ?.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and please stay tuned for the next post which will be on my continued experience with Foleshill Women’s Training (FWT). Don’t forget to leave a comment below on my blog post and spread the word out about my blog too. ???